Standing among a crowd of people, have you ever felt lonely?
Sometimes you are alone, you feel completely comfortable, loving your life without any feel of loneliness?
So, is loneliness when we are alone?
Some young people I met, had no lover or just broke up – through their stories, I discovered that: They are lonely, and are trying to find their partners to fill the loneliness.
Some of the people I met were married – but their family was unhappy, unable to find a common voice with their spouse. They say: Feeling lonely and cold in their own house, they can only find joy in work. And that is why they try to work, to escape from their boring home.
A friend – divorced and living alone, confided to me: “I feel lonely when i am alone, I feel less lonely when there are friends around me, but then one moment apart from the story, I still feel lonely”; then when she reached a crowd of strangers, she felt completely separate from the people around her. She felt like a different object that couldn’t be blended into her surroundings….
Recently, while talking and observing my family members, there are my grandparents and recently retired uncles – I found that they all share a common mentality: Lonely, feeling lost in their life’s meaning, life is boring, not even excited to communicate when meeting those around them, feeling isolated and disconnected with their surroundings. …
The above stories, which I hear from people around me, have prompted me to search for answers to the question: Why people of all ages, genders, occupations, positions or classes in society … feel lonely?
Before answering this question, I will help you understand what “loneliness” is?
Loneliness is an isolated and disconnected mental state.
The first disconnect is the connection with yourself – when you don’t understand yourself: don’t understand the meaning of life, don’t understand what you are for, don’t understand the meaning of what you do.
Next is the loss of connection with those around you, including relatives, friends, and people you just met. That is, when you do not understand the people around you, what does it mean to be here?
Going back to the question, why do feelings of loneliness happen in all ages, genders, occupations or social classes? Here are a few reasons to mention:
We live on the standards that others have set (parents, relatives, friends, society …) – these standards are incorporated into you as you grow and mature. Over time, you also assume yourself as a habit that those are your standards. And then, after you meet these standards, you feel that life becomes dull and tasteless. For example that you think in order to live a happy life, you must become rich, then when you get rich, you feel life becomes bland. You think your happiness is “having to take care of your children completely”, so that when your children grow up and leave your arms – you feel lost and lose the joy of your life.
You think that the person closest to you is your spouse who understands you best – and then after a while you realize that she or he doesn’t understand you – and you realize you don’t really understand either, him or her. At that time, you feel lost and lonely.
Those who have been focusing on their work for a long time, until they retire, they are lost because their work is no longer available.
All of the above is that we are only interested in the outside world without paying attention to the inner world which are the real thoughts, desires and feelings from the depths of each. people. Meanwhile, outside things can come, can go at any time.
We feel that those around us have different standards, perspectives, views, positions…. We feel lost and unable to interact. For example, when you are still struggling and failing at work, and then by chance you get to attend an event full of successful people, you listen to their stories, you feel small and gradually you push yourself out of the crowd.
The way to get out of loneliness is connection
Connect with yourself:
- Be mindful of your inner world: Listen to your inner desires, thoughts, and feelings
- Living mindfulness: Let consciousness be fully present in the present moment
- Recognize and acknowledge your own values
- Love yourself
- Satisfied and grateful with all that you have
Connect with people around you:
- Find good points in anyone around you, and this attitude creates a sense of empathy, closeness and a sense of connection
- Start by recognizing love and finding ways to cultivate love, then you will change your attitude towards those around you, you will become more open and able to interact with others with attitude of positive, open, and friendly
- Be willing to open up and really share with others your deepest problems and pain.
JULIA PHUONG HA